[Cloud's where he said he'd be, perched atop a crate and fiddling with one of the clasps on his SOLDIER belt, buckling and unbuckling it again and again. Once Zack's shuttle docks his head jerks up, and slides off of the crate to meet him by the door.] C'mon. My place's this way.
[Zack nods and follows behind as Cloud leads the way, hands clasped together at the back of his head, lips pursing seriously. He doesn't know what to expect, and it's impossible to feel excited about finally getting the story when the whole atmosphere is so choking, but he's glad they're doing this. Finding out that Sephiroth was involved was the last straw that broke his patience.]
On a better day I'll have to meet your crew. Aerith is determined to have everybody know everybody.
[Cloud's room is nothing to write home about; all the standard stuff that comes with it, a small pile of various scrap metals he's started to accumulate in the corner. Nothing else to distinguish it from the other standard rooms.
He gestures to the bed, opting instead to lean against the opposite wall and fold his arms.] ...where d'you want me to start? Midgar?
[The bed seems kinda personal, even if at this point it just feels like a bunk more than anything, so Zack leans against it rather than sitting down directly.]
Probably the best place for it. Kinda where my story left off.
There are parts Cloud glosses over; the inbetweens, the moments where he'd stalled because he couldn't remember, because he got confused. Thinking back to the early days of Midgar, it's a damn wonder anybody thought he was sane at all; the flashes of memory, the blackouts, he'd been a walking wreck. Always, whenever he got within a mile of Sephiroth or one of his vicious Jenova pieces, it was like Cloud was stumbling through the dark.
He explains AVALANCHE. He explains Tifa's worried glances, he explains Barret's vicious dedication to stopping ShinRa. He explains the Reactors, the bombings, and falling through the roof of Aerith's church.
ShinRa dropping the Sector 7 plate and killing everyone in the slums. Going to rescue Aerith, finding out about her true nature as the last Ancient. Finding the Jenova monster, and then Sephiroth taking her and leaving. It's hard to remember if he's leaving anything out; those days are a little fuzzier than he remembered them being a month ago.
Things get clearer after leaving Midgar. Chasing Sephiroth across continents, picking up a ragtag group of people all with their own bone to pick until finally they reach the Temple of the Ancients, and there...Sephiroth, again. He uses Cloud's body like it's his own but more than that, worse than that, he makes Cloud think he wants to do it, even as the sight of Aerith's blood on his knuckles makes him so sick he wishes he was dead.
Aerith leaves, they follow, and then-
And then, she's gone.
Cloud knows then that he's a danger, but he still begs his friends to go with him. They chase after Sephiroth again, and again, always just following after him to try and end it, because before it was personal for Cloud, for Tifa, but now each and every one of them feel Aerith's loss keenly and want to bring Sephiroth to justice for her, for the Planet he's trying to kill.
They chase him all the way to the Northern Crater- but that's not true at all. They weren't chasing him; he was reeling them in, using Cloud as the spearhead; calling him to his side like a good little puppet. Cloud stumbles here, fumbles with words; he can't remember, there's a lot he just can't remember, and he gives Sephiroth the Black Materia because he's useful for nothing else as Hojo cackles and then-
Nothing.]
They told me what was going on, [Cloud mutters, informing Zack of the WEAPONs, of ShinRa and the cannons and everyone having to escape execution by the ShinRa. Tifa stayed at his side, apparently, as everyone went off to save the world and he drooled in a chair in Mideel. It's not until the village is attacked by a WEAPON and Cloud and Tifa drop into the Lifestream that finally, finally, he begins to regain some order to his mess of a head.
Until Tifa puts him back together, piece by painstaking piece. Until she rummages through his head and pulls out everything of any worth, draws him up, carries his consciousness with her back to the waking world. For the first time in what feels like forever, since leaving Nibelheim, his head feels the clearest it's ever been. There are still holes, still spots, still things that make his hands shake now to this day, but finally he's himself again and he finally understands what Aerith had meant by I'm looking for you, Cloud.
Things happen quickly after that. They have to destroy the WEAPONs if only to keep the towns safe, the things uncaring of who dies in their quest to destroy the threats to the Planet. Killing Hojo is the icing on the cake, and even as ShinRa is destroyed, they still manage to pierce the barrier around Sephiroth.
Cloud leads everyone against him and, miraculously...everyone survives. Even as he's pulled back into the Lifestream by Sephiroth's grasping hands he kills him, finally, at last, and where he'd expected to feel vicious satisfaction all he feels is a hollow cold until Aerith reaches for him, lifts him up and leads him over to Tifa.]
The weeks after that were cleanup, mostly, [Cloud says, having not looked up once during the story.] Midgar is almost completely destroyed. ...a lot of people died, the Reactors are all shut down, but we're trying to recover. I was on my way to Kalm for some work when I showed up here.
[That's... a lot. That's a whole lot to take in, and Zack gives himself some time to process it before he speaks up. Throughout the story he'd had some knee-jerk reactions, unable to stay quiet and listen the whole way through- there'd been some snarling about Jenova, and Sephiroth, and Hojo especially, and he'd almost punched a hole through the wall hearing what Sephiroth did to Aerith. The WEAPONs, the reactors, Shinra's end- all things he'd had no idea about before now, and Sephiroth's plan was a lot more advanced than he'd ever imagined. He's glad they won, that the planet endured and they all survived it, but... god.
What an awful mess.
Eventually Zack looks up, lifting a hand to rub at his forehead.]
[Yeah...those reactions are why Cloud didn't look up once. He knew if he saw Zack's face he wouldn't be able to keep going, so he's going to just stare a hole through the floor for now.]
Things just...kept happening. [Really, this time in the Fleet is the first chance he's had to breathe since it all began, and he really hates it a lot.]
To be honest a lot of it felt like cleaning up my own mess, but...we tried. At least the Planet survived. [It's kind of messy but Cloud can't say he's not happy that it's over.]
[DING DING there's one of the (many) reasons why he didn't want to have this talk in front of Aerith. Let's move on before that becomes an argument because he doesn't wanna do that]
...you said you wanted all of us to talk, right? Do you have stuff to tell me?
Well... I guess I wanted to give you and Aerith a chance to ask about what you guys missed. Since Aerith wasn't there, and you don't remember a lot or were too out of it to know...
[Chews on the inside of his cheek. Honestly he really doesn't want to ask about any of it; the memories are muddled at best, completely missing at worst and he's really not too keen to bring more of that time back, but...]
A lot of my two years at ShinRa is gone, but I mostly remember Nibelheim now...correctly, at least. The labs- [Something sticks in his throat and he clears it with a cough.] I don't remember much. Or much from after, before Midgar.
...if it's hard to talk about...I don't need to know. [He's not sure he wants to know. If it's more about the danger the Planet's in, has been in, if it's about experiments and monsters and ShinRa, Cloud would rather not know.
Zack, I don't even- [Cloud sighs, burying his face in his hands before scrubbing them through his hair.] I don't even know what to ask. [He'd have to say 'give me the whole story' which Zack clearly isn't comfortable with.]
I'm wondering if we should just- I mean, is it something I should know? That I need to know? [Cloud used to have to know why like it was an addiction but ever since that breakdown, he's been more than happy to leave things alone. Asking Zack to go into detail about before the labs feels like poking at a sleeping bear. There's a reason Cloud doesn't remember his ShinRa days, isn't there?]
[Nngh. That's a good question. Zack goes quiet for a few moments, mulling things over, but the more he thinks about it the more he realizes that they could go back and forth like this for ages- asking questions back and forth, dancing around it, avoiding all the worst bits- it's not going to help anyone.
He'll just... do what he can. See where it leads.]
How about if I start at the beginning? See if we can shake a few screws loose in your head. Maybe you'll hear something familiar.
[Okay, time to chill out, Cloud. This is Zack. He's not going to try and manipulate you through your fuzzy memories, so just. Shelve that particular sentiment right from the get go and maybe attempt trusting his judgment for a while.]
...alright. Yeah. ...yeah, let's give that a shot.
True to his word Zack starts off at the beginning, the Modeoheim mission where they first met. He explains the barebones of why they were there and the situation with Shinra - it's polish and noise and little else, the reasons mattering less than the basis of their friendship, in his mind. He stumbles uncomfortably through Angeal's death and the legacy of the Buster sword, but he forges ahead stubbornly; he figures that, if Cloud couldn't remember what happened, he might not have even known where he got the sword from to begin with. From Modeoheim he focuses on Junon, from Junon to the smattering of missions in between. Embrace your dreams, he recites quietly, the words ingrained, the creed that became his own when he killed Angeal and accepted the Buster as his own. Words that, he hoped, inspired the troops who came to look at him as someone to aspire to. It used to be terrifying, just as much as it was a dream come true.
"So you wanna be a SOLDIER? Hang in there."
Well, he'd be a hypocrite if he hadn't embraced those dreams once they became a reality.
When he reaches Nibelheim he falters, briefly, ducking his head. Cloud was there, and he remembers enough of it that Zack does his best to fill in the blanks- Sephiroth's realization in the reactor, when Cloud had been forced to wait outside with Tifa, his week-long obsession in the manor's restricted basement, nose buried in too many books. His own fight with Sephiroth, up until Cloud arrived to finish the job. And then...]
...Then I think the Turks showed up. I was too out of it to see who they were, but I recognized the suits. Hojo and his flunkies took over, and we ended up in the basement lab. He said... he wanted you for a sample. Think I was just a bonus on the side.
[Just hearing the word 'sample' is enough to make his skin crawl, but at least it sounds like Zack hates the taste of it as much as Cloud does.]
...I think you- ...I think I heard your side of Nibelheim before. [It's the exact story he told Tifa and the others, after all, minus the ending.] I'd thought I did all that stuff. It's what I told the others...I really thought it was true. [Even now he can remember his sense of unease at seeing Sephiroth deep in the library, reading day after day. It's terrifying how real it still feels, even now that he knows the truth.]
[He doesn't know if Cloud needs to hear it, but he'll say it anyway, as often as he has to. The experiments in the lab hit Cloud the hardest, and it shows. Zack would be more concerned if he hadn't come out a little bit screwed in the head.]
Yeah, I told you about all that stuff while we were locked up. When they weren't drowning us in mako, anyway. Sometimes I'd just... talk, you know? Fill the void, keep us both sane. Wasn't much else we could do.
[Cloud didn't know he needed to hear it, but now that Zack's said it...it's almost like an "I forgive you." Almost. It makes him feel a little less badly about it, anyway.]
...sorry. I can't say I want to remember everything, but...I'm sorry you had to go through so much alone.
...Hey, weren't you listening? I wasn't alone. Even if you don't remember it, you were there with me.
[Whether Cloud was fully conscious or aware the whole time doesn't matter. Having someone else there, not crazy and not a scientist, someone who didn't belong as much as him? Someone who'd faced Sephiroth, experienced the hell of Nibelheim, was a friend... that's someone irreplaceable. ]
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On a better day I'll have to meet your crew. Aerith is determined to have everybody know everybody.
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Some other time, I guess.
[Cloud's room is nothing to write home about; all the standard stuff that comes with it, a small pile of various scrap metals he's started to accumulate in the corner. Nothing else to distinguish it from the other standard rooms.
He gestures to the bed, opting instead to lean against the opposite wall and fold his arms.] ...where d'you want me to start? Midgar?
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Probably the best place for it. Kinda where my story left off.
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[A very long story.
There are parts Cloud glosses over; the inbetweens, the moments where he'd stalled because he couldn't remember, because he got confused. Thinking back to the early days of Midgar, it's a damn wonder anybody thought he was sane at all; the flashes of memory, the blackouts, he'd been a walking wreck. Always, whenever he got within a mile of Sephiroth or one of his vicious Jenova pieces, it was like Cloud was stumbling through the dark.
He explains AVALANCHE. He explains Tifa's worried glances, he explains Barret's vicious dedication to stopping ShinRa. He explains the Reactors, the bombings, and falling through the roof of Aerith's church.
ShinRa dropping the Sector 7 plate and killing everyone in the slums. Going to rescue Aerith, finding out about her true nature as the last Ancient. Finding the Jenova monster, and then Sephiroth taking her and leaving. It's hard to remember if he's leaving anything out; those days are a little fuzzier than he remembered them being a month ago.
Things get clearer after leaving Midgar. Chasing Sephiroth across continents, picking up a ragtag group of people all with their own bone to pick until finally they reach the Temple of the Ancients, and there...Sephiroth, again. He uses Cloud's body like it's his own but more than that, worse than that, he makes Cloud think he wants to do it, even as the sight of Aerith's blood on his knuckles makes him so sick he wishes he was dead.
Aerith leaves, they follow, and then-
And then, she's gone.
Cloud knows then that he's a danger, but he still begs his friends to go with him. They chase after Sephiroth again, and again, always just following after him to try and end it, because before it was personal for Cloud, for Tifa, but now each and every one of them feel Aerith's loss keenly and want to bring Sephiroth to justice for her, for the Planet he's trying to kill.
They chase him all the way to the Northern Crater- but that's not true at all. They weren't chasing him; he was reeling them in, using Cloud as the spearhead; calling him to his side like a good little puppet. Cloud stumbles here, fumbles with words; he can't remember, there's a lot he just can't remember, and he gives Sephiroth the Black Materia because he's useful for nothing else as Hojo cackles and then-
Nothing.]
They told me what was going on, [Cloud mutters, informing Zack of the WEAPONs, of ShinRa and the cannons and everyone having to escape execution by the ShinRa. Tifa stayed at his side, apparently, as everyone went off to save the world and he drooled in a chair in Mideel. It's not until the village is attacked by a WEAPON and Cloud and Tifa drop into the Lifestream that finally, finally, he begins to regain some order to his mess of a head.
Until Tifa puts him back together, piece by painstaking piece. Until she rummages through his head and pulls out everything of any worth, draws him up, carries his consciousness with her back to the waking world. For the first time in what feels like forever, since leaving Nibelheim, his head feels the clearest it's ever been. There are still holes, still spots, still things that make his hands shake now to this day, but finally he's himself again and he finally understands what Aerith had meant by I'm looking for you, Cloud.
Things happen quickly after that. They have to destroy the WEAPONs if only to keep the towns safe, the things uncaring of who dies in their quest to destroy the threats to the Planet. Killing Hojo is the icing on the cake, and even as ShinRa is destroyed, they still manage to pierce the barrier around Sephiroth.
Cloud leads everyone against him and, miraculously...everyone survives. Even as he's pulled back into the Lifestream by Sephiroth's grasping hands he kills him, finally, at last, and where he'd expected to feel vicious satisfaction all he feels is a hollow cold until Aerith reaches for him, lifts him up and leads him over to Tifa.]
The weeks after that were cleanup, mostly, [Cloud says, having not looked up once during the story.] Midgar is almost completely destroyed. ...a lot of people died, the Reactors are all shut down, but we're trying to recover. I was on my way to Kalm for some work when I showed up here.
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What an awful mess.
Eventually Zack looks up, lifting a hand to rub at his forehead.]
Man... you guys... you sure were busy.
[where to even begin, holy shit.]
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Things just...kept happening. [Really, this time in the Fleet is the first chance he's had to breathe since it all began, and he really hates it a lot.]
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First things first.]
Thanks... for telling me everything. And I'm happy you and your friends survived. Sounds like you all did some amazing stuff for the world.
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[Even after hearing everything, he's not gonna blame Cloud for it. Jenova really screwed with everyone's heads, end of story.]
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...you said you wanted all of us to talk, right? Do you have stuff to tell me?
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A lot of my two years at ShinRa is gone, but I mostly remember Nibelheim now...correctly, at least. The labs- [Something sticks in his throat and he clears it with a cough.] I don't remember much. Or much from after, before Midgar.
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Nobody wants to remember the lab. Don't worry about that stuff.
[He's not sure he'd be able to answer even if Cloud asked, so it's for the best.]
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Until he changes his mind, that is.]
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Look, I... if you want me to talk about it, I can try. You answered all of my questions, so I might as well do the same.
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I'm wondering if we should just- I mean, is it something I should know? That I need to know? [Cloud used to have to know why like it was an addiction but ever since that breakdown, he's been more than happy to leave things alone. Asking Zack to go into detail about before the labs feels like poking at a sleeping bear. There's a reason Cloud doesn't remember his ShinRa days, isn't there?]
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He'll just... do what he can. See where it leads.]
How about if I start at the beginning? See if we can shake a few screws loose in your head. Maybe you'll hear something familiar.
no subject
...alright. Yeah. ...yeah, let's give that a shot.
no subject
True to his word Zack starts off at the beginning, the Modeoheim mission where they first met. He explains the barebones of why they were there and the situation with Shinra - it's polish and noise and little else, the reasons mattering less than the basis of their friendship, in his mind. He stumbles uncomfortably through Angeal's death and the legacy of the Buster sword, but he forges ahead stubbornly; he figures that, if Cloud couldn't remember what happened, he might not have even known where he got the sword from to begin with. From Modeoheim he focuses on Junon, from Junon to the smattering of missions in between. Embrace your dreams, he recites quietly, the words ingrained, the creed that became his own when he killed Angeal and accepted the Buster as his own. Words that, he hoped, inspired the troops who came to look at him as someone to aspire to. It used to be terrifying, just as much as it was a dream come true.
"So you wanna be a SOLDIER? Hang in there."
Well, he'd be a hypocrite if he hadn't embraced those dreams once they became a reality.
When he reaches Nibelheim he falters, briefly, ducking his head. Cloud was there, and he remembers enough of it that Zack does his best to fill in the blanks- Sephiroth's realization in the reactor, when Cloud had been forced to wait outside with Tifa, his week-long obsession in the manor's restricted basement, nose buried in too many books. His own fight with Sephiroth, up until Cloud arrived to finish the job. And then...]
...Then I think the Turks showed up. I was too out of it to see who they were, but I recognized the suits. Hojo and his flunkies took over, and we ended up in the basement lab. He said... he wanted you for a sample. Think I was just a bonus on the side.
[What an honour for them both, right?]
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...I think you- ...I think I heard your side of Nibelheim before. [It's the exact story he told Tifa and the others, after all, minus the ending.] I'd thought I did all that stuff. It's what I told the others...I really thought it was true. [Even now he can remember his sense of unease at seeing Sephiroth deep in the library, reading day after day. It's terrifying how real it still feels, even now that he knows the truth.]
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[He doesn't know if Cloud needs to hear it, but he'll say it anyway, as often as he has to. The experiments in the lab hit Cloud the hardest, and it shows. Zack would be more concerned if he hadn't come out a little bit screwed in the head.]
Yeah, I told you about all that stuff while we were locked up. When they weren't drowning us in mako, anyway. Sometimes I'd just... talk, you know? Fill the void, keep us both sane. Wasn't much else we could do.
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...sorry. I can't say I want to remember everything, but...I'm sorry you had to go through so much alone.
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[Whether Cloud was fully conscious or aware the whole time doesn't matter. Having someone else there, not crazy and not a scientist, someone who didn't belong as much as him? Someone who'd faced Sephiroth, experienced the hell of Nibelheim, was a friend... that's someone irreplaceable. ]
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